my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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