So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
