You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize