New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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