I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she smelled like a LAN party
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
