Sry I called you an 8
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
