i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Congratulations! We have a period
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
