i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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