i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize