I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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