Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize