i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
