she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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