So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
