I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
