Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
