I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
