What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
