To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
