There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
