I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
