I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
