Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
