she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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