yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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