If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Two words: blizzard sex
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
