I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
