Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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