I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
