i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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