how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize