I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
