I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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