wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
