In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hippo gnu deer
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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