Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
