What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
