I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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