Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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