We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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