when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
