Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
