bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
