When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize