I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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