You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
