didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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