nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
