I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize