omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
