His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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