No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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