Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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