we made out on top of his cat.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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