I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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