he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
