Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
