ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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