Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
