since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize