this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
