grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
