this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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