She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize