Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
