Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
