If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize