i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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