I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
