I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
