So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
