Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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