Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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