While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
