I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize