two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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