i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
