didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
