yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
