you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
