hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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