Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
