need another drink. this is the easiest way
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
