Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize