dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
