Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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