I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
