Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
