I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
