Pants 0. Shit 1.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
