I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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