Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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