There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
