This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
