If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize