Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
