We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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