:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize