They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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