Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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