can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
