I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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