i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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