ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
