my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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