it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
