You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
