There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
