I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
